[S1E5] So You Think You Can Prance
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[S1E5] So You Think You Can Prance
(It's night time, and a thunderstorm is brewing outside. A cast down Auri returns to his home after a very egregious, betrayal-filled day. First, his heroes are actually villains with a plot to liquidate the mayor, now his best friend thinks he's jealous of her joining them. He goes over to pick up a box containing all of his Funky Fource merchandise and throws it into a trash can. He sets it all on fire, minus the Franky action figure. Just as he's about to throw it in, he accidentally makes it speak.)
I don't think it's Laena, because Laena getting a dragon is a big deal, for reasons I won't go into, and I don't think even this show would have that happen offscreen. So I'm gonna say that other dragon belongs to Rhaenys, so:
But who cares what he thinks Women play cricket in Charlotte's hometown, a place which Crowe correctly surmises sounds like a lot of fun. Sidney accepts Charlotte's olive branch, and we play on. This seems like a missed opportunity for a training montage, but whatever. Georgiana realizes this distraction is the perfect opportunity to make her escape, and gets the heck out of there.
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Oh, fun. All right. So this week, we're gonna keep moving on. Right. And so remember that our research citations this season are coming from a book called The Handbook of Parenting. Yes, there is a handbook for parenting, right So we have volume five, and it's called the Practice of Parenting, and it's edited by Mark Bornstein. And specifically, we're looking at the chapter on child discipline by Dr. Jennifer Lansford. And I think if I recall correctly, that Mackenzie even has some specific paraphrase quote that she wants to share right now. Right up front.
Yes, yes, totally. I just thought that was a good place, okay, we're gonna be looking at how we break this down a little. Gotta remember, we're looking towards internalized values, that it's the way they behave because they think it's important.
Exactly. So today, though, we're going to specifically take a look at discipline by our kids' age, right So we're going to keep their skills and their abilities in mind as we really think about what types of discipline strategies we can use. So as we think about this, well, why don't you share the first research tidbit with us
You know, I would say, okay, hitting is just like on my mind right now. Okay, fess up, in part because as we've been recording this season, and putting these pieces together, that's what I've been reflecting on. Yeah, so all of this conversation around discipline, hitting is what we're really working on. Yes. But so I even think about the difference between how I would address hitting when my child was nine to 12 months, right So a baby that's hitting, you know, what I would typically do for discipline would be distracting or trying to change the situation or intervening in a different way. Versus now that my child is an older toddler, and might even be a preschooler next year. Now it's a little more of reasoning and understanding. And it's just different than just modeling nice touches, right It's different than that now that he's a toddler. Yes. So what about you What's a time when you had similar situations, but the different ages called for different kinds of discipline guidance techniques Yeah.
So I think that probably I really, especially last week, was thinking about homework, right So with my high schooler, I do not hover over her homework. Maybe as an elementary school aged child and as a preteen middle school, I definitely helped in a way for them to think about their homework, the importance of it, made a time for them to do their homework, as they grew, maybe encouraged them to finish their homework. And now as a high schooler, well, you know, homework is super important if she has plans to do things after high school. And so my role there is different because I let those natural consequences happen if she doesn't get her homework done. And so I think that based developmentally on that age from early school to middle school to high school, my role as the homework hoverer, has changed the guidance. Yes, in that way, you know, so that I think that is a key for me. Just because it's on my mind, like, it's been on my mind. It's present.
Yeah. Well, and I think that's a good example of when kids are younger, they haven't established homework routines. They haven't had the practice, and so their ability and their knowledge, they needed a little more guidance. And then as they get older, they don't need and so your technique can shift a little.
Yes, it's your responsibility, not mine, hope you get done. Yeah. I thought you mentioned there was a test yesterday. I'm wondering when that work got done for the test. Yeah. Yeah. And again, just that idea of natural consequences is super important, I think.
Yes, and it shifts that, you know, I think of how they look at parents to when they're younger, it's the person who I get in trouble from. Right, right. Versus as our kids get older, school age, preteens, teenagers, it's more about rather than I just get in trouble, it's more about there's a reason for this and the way I value my parent is because they have knowledge and skills. Yes, I think that's different.
Okay. The research does tell us that is the case, right But it's not just when they're younger, it is a little bit more about understanding the rewards and punishments. And that's what parents do. But as they get older, they do understand, my parents have knowledge and skills and that's why I trust them. Yeah. And so I think that's an interesting shift. So part one is how our kids change, and how that affects our discipline as they develop. Part two is how parents change. Right So we've talked about the parenting stages in one of our seasons that I really enjoyed. And now I can not remember the number, Mackenzie DeJong will help us out. But on the flip side, as kids develop, we are changing our approach to discipline, too, because we start to appeal as kids get older, to things like humor and guilt and responsibility. And that's because we tend to believe that older kids have more self control, and so that their misbehaviors are deliberate. That's how Collins and their colleagues put it in back in 2002 in their study was that we tend to believe that their misbehaviors are deliberate. So that means we start to treat them a little bit more like an adult, in my opinion, right If I wanted something, if I want my coworker to do a specific task or something, I'm probably not just going to assert my power. One, because if they're my peer, I don't have any power to assert. But the way that we interact with adults, right, we ask them to do things, we appeal to their responsibility or the cooperation, or we're funny, right And humor. And I think as our kids get older, because we understand their behavior is more intentional, we treat them differently. And so it goes from you don't know better when they're little to, you know better now, that was a deliberate choice. And so I think it's understanding that, our kids are changing how they view us and we are changing how we view our kids. And then both of those things affect our discipline.
They do. They do. And I think that it's important to recognize, as we look at their development, that we don't make that assumption too quickly. Right, that we don't expect that from them before they actually can handle that developmentally. So let's talk about that.
Just barely, right. And then if they are under stress, if they're sick, if we are stressed, if we are sick, those self control monitors drop dramatically. And so where maybe we had some self control, now it's the beginning of school, and we're super overwhelmed and stressed and as a child, I have suddenly limited self control again. So that self control is a growth process and developmentally, just exactly what we're talking about today. And so, thinking about that expectation as children grow.
Yes. And so I do, I think that's an important context, as I was like, wait, that brain development is an important part of what we assume about those things, affects how we respond to our kids' misbehaviors. It does. And so that's such a great caution of, wait, hold on, it's so easy to assume they're way more skilled at this than they are.
We're going to look at some specific research in terms of the reality of disciplining around different ages. So what we're gonna do is, we decided to share our two favorite strategies for each age, right So we're gonna start with infants and toddlers, and I'm going to start with my two favorite strategies when it comes to guidance and discipline for infants and toddlers. And I love a good redirect and distract. I love a good redirect and distract, especially because when it comes to brain development, they just don't know. They don't know. Like, they can look at you with that look in their eye, that little gleam that says, I'm gonna go do this right here, and I'm gonna pull this cat's ear and I'm looking at you. But you know what redirect and distract. So remove the cat, distract them from the danger, give them something more interesting to look at. Sometimes, if you actually got down on the floor and looked at what our infants and toddlers had to look at. I mean, there are some super cool things on the floor, right I mean, really, or it's a plain white wall down there. So really thinking about, okay, their brain development at this age is, you know, no self control, and I am the responsible adult. So I will take the time to redirect and distract and provide a safe environment. Frankly, it's all on me. It's all on me at that age. That's why it is exhausting. That's why this is exhausting. Yes. How about you 59ce067264